I cannot speak about any of the events of the course in this forum. To do that would take away from your own experience when you attend for yourself. I have been to several events with Peak Potentials and they continue to enlighten, empower and surprise.

If you have never heard of Peak Potentials or would like to learn more, you can sign up for a Millionaire Mind Evening Teleseminar or get a copy of the book Secrets of the Millionaire Mind.

I look forward to your success.

The book covers a vast array of women and their stories around their sexual difficulties, desires, quirks, failures and triumphs. Regardless of the fact that they may enjoy sex, almost every one talks about the difficulties they have had.

When I started reading the book, I thought it would be a good distraction from the other topics I have been focusing on. However, I was surprised at how much thinking it made me do. After having read the book, I must say I was both impressed and disappointed. Impressed because many of the women, while suffering through some seriously difficult situations, persevered until they found a relationship or came to an understanding that truly worked for them. Impressed also, that these women were willing to share their stories so that other women for who may be going through the same issues, might get some inspiration.  In fact, several times, I envisioned men being in the same situations. These were not necessarily all about women’s issues.

That said, I was also very disappointed by the book. Not by the writing – that was great throughout as most of these women are accomplished writers. No, what I was disappointed by was the fact that Ms Derrow could not find, or at least did not include, a single women who found herself in a relationship that wasn’t doomed from the beginning. I have to question whether she really wanted to get view of the total spectrum of women and sex. I am sure their are many women in the world, even in the US, that have always had fully satisfying sexual relationships. Why not include them?

Besides the situations where the women had obvious psychological trauma at a young age (read sexual abuse), while reading the book I could not help but think that many of the problems were caused by one or both person’s selfish attitudes. The stories are filled with infidelity by women and men alike. Also, why does sex so frequently  have to be associated with drugs and alcohol? You cannot expect your relationship to last if drugs or alcohol are required or used to make things work. I sometimes think that Hollywood sensationalizes these issues, but reading this book I was reminded that the movies come from someone’s mind, someone with the experience to dream up the story. This stuff really happens, and many people suffer through life in bad relationships because they do not have enough self esteem, they have been abused or they are just too selfish to get over themselves.

When I look at my relationship with my wife, I see something that continues to grow each day. Not something that I expect with wane over time and become something that I will have to put up with. I see it as a future together with so many adventures yet to be had. I’m no saint and I have my selfish moments like everyone else, but I don’t forget why I got into this relationship in the first place. I love my wife. It’s that simple. We have a great life together. We have three great children. We dream together. We plan together. We share responsibilities. We contribute equally and we receive equally. It is not about servitude, and I am happy to serve my wife. It is not about compromise, and I have no problem if sometimes I have to yield a little. It is not all about the kids, and I love working around their schedules.

People really need to start taking responsibility for their actions. There is simply no excuse for the crap that happens every day in this country and countries around the world. If you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to understand the consequences of your actions. Stop blaming it on the alcohol. Stop blaming it on your parents. Stop blaming it on religion. Stop blaming…and take responsibility! So many problems would be solved or prevented if people just stood up and took responsibility, thought about the consequences of their actions and stopped expecting someone else to fix their problems. More time and effort is spent fixing problems caused by irresponsible people than on the issues that really matter.

Like I said, I’m no saint and I am extremely happy that I had a happy childhood. But come on people! We can do better than this!

The book is Making Sense of Men – A Woman’s Guide to a Lifetime of Love, Care and Attention from All Men, by Alison Armstrong. I’m sure you can tell by the title that this book was not intended for me, and I guess I should feel a bit guilty about reading it. However, I think it is important to learn what others think of me, so that I can understand their point of view. In this case, what one intelligent woman thinks of men.

I have read and listened to many of this Alison’s products and I am amazed every time. She is very good at explaining the “complex simplicity” of men. By that I mean, men are in fact simple, straightforward beings and woman assume we are very complex and hard to understand, because they see us as hairy, misbehaved women.

What this book does is explain how men respond to women and how a woman’s behavior basically determines that behavior. Since the woman is therefore in control of the situation, a man will respond differently to different woman.

The purpose for understanding this is to enlighten women to understand that there are two ways to get attention from men. Attraction and Affection. The vast majority of people (men and women included) work on the things that attract the opposite sex. Ultimately, this attraction for a man is sexual in focus.

You can’t blame us. That’s what 40,000 years of evolution has given us and, really, it is kind of necessary.

Women, on the other hand, often feel that while sexual attraction is great, it is not the be all end all of their needs. Women start by thinking the sexual attraction is going to blossom into something else. The problem, is while it might to appear that way at the start, at some point, the “magic” disappears and the men change and all the sizzle is lost.

That’s because the sizzle has no substance.

What women fail to understand is that sexual attraction is not the be all end all for men either. If you are a man and you disagree with me, give it a few years and you will see what I mean.

What the book explains is that there are four main triggers for sexual attraction for a man. But I won’t get into those, because they only lead to sexual attraction and that is not what women (or men) ultimately need or want.

In her research, Alison has found there are four things that draw the attention of a men in the way that women truly crave – Affection. Those four things, listed in their order of priority, are: Self-Confidence, Authenticity, Passion and…I save the last one.

The great thing about all of these traits is that one leads to the next. When a woman is self-confident, she is more apt to be authentic about herself. When a woman is more authentic, she shares her passions.

While many people think of men as simple in the sense that they lack many redeeming qualities, men are actually very perceptive. Men have the amazing ability to sense the abundance, or lack, of self-confidence and authenticity that a woman radiates. It is these traits that really make a man want to be with a woman for the rest of his life. Not the four things that I failed to mention (Read the book!).

When a man senses these traits and he learns of her passions, he will do everything in his power to be with, take care of, protect, contribute to, make happy and fall in love with that woman. This is where the change for the worse typically occurs.

Woman have been trained, especially in this modern age, to take care of themselves and prove that they do not need men to support them. And that is true, women don’t need us. But that is not the point. The point is that men want to…be with, take care of, protect, contribute to, make happy and fall in love with women. This is our our entire purpose when we find “The One.”

Let me repeat, “If you are a man and you disagree with me, give it a few years and you will see what I mean.”

So why the change? Why do we become…well…Jerks?!? The change comes from the last of the four affection getters…Receptivity.

The stereotypical “simpleness” of men comes out at this point. While we are being with, taking care of, protecting, contributing to, making happy and falling in love with women, we want to know that you want and appreciate it.

Women, it’s sooo simple. “That’s wonderful.” “Thank you so much to being there.” “It means so much to me.” Phrases on those lines do wonders. Stroke our little egos and we will continue to…be with, take care of, protect, contribute to, make happy and fall in love with you with more and energy and commitment…’til death do us part.

Problem is, many women are not sufficiently self-confident to accept the caring, protective, contributions that men work so hard to approve. They do not feel deserving of such treatment. They question the intention of the deeds. They build a wall that the man is must knock down before he can succeed. A man will try and try and try, but if they feel like nothing they do matters or is appreciated, at some point they will say, “You need someone who can take care of you.” He is hardwired to give up because “he is not capable of doing what he needs to do.”

The irony is that the list of things that the man is doing… being with, taking care of, protecting, contributing to, making happy and falling in love with…are all the things that woman want. We both want the same things, but from opposite sides. It is a duplicity. You can’t have giving without receiving. If you cannot have one without the other, then one cannot be better or worse than the other.

Therefore, a self-confident, authentic women who embraces her passions and is receptive to a man’s efforts will have a relationship that growths and strengthens “until death do us part.”

Get the book. You will be glad you did.

When we left Warner Robins on Oct. 5th, we first spent 2 days in Savannah and Tybee Island. It was a beautiful area and if I ever make the jump to go to art and design school, I would definitely consider SCAD (Savannah Centre of Art and Design).

Next we stopped in Jekyll Island, a beautiful little island with a strong view to conservation. The highlight here was meeting a group that was doing shrimping over the beach and they let me have a go at it. I had to really control myself when I was constantly getting nibbled by curious little fish and rammed by panicked shrimp. I’m just glad I didn’t get nibbled by any sharks.

Next, we went to Fernandina Beach on Amelia Island. This was a great little beach town and our hotel was right on the beach where we spent most of the time looking for sharks teeth. It is supposed to be a hot bed for all sizes of teeth. The only one I brought home was given to me by a regular visitor who found one in about one minute. The only disappointing this about Amelia Island is that most of it was for sale. They had not faired well in the real estate collapse.

From there we followed the Flordia coast south and had dinner on the beach in Daytona. I thought it was great to be able to drive right onto the beach. I guess it just makes sense in the birthplace of NASCAR. After dinner we headed to Orlando, where I spent 2 days at a commercial real estate course.

From Orlando we head to the Gulf and stopped in Fort Walton Beach near Destin. This was a very touristy place and also another area hit by the real estate decline.

After ripping through Alabama and Mississippi we stopped in New Orleans. A fantastic place to visit. So much history in the French Quarter where we stayed. We even walked Bourbon Street with the kids at night. Lots to see and surprisingly the kids didn’t even ask why there where so many scantily dressed women in many of the store fronts. For us, New Orleans was all about the food. We sampled everything that Louisiana is known  for and I fell in love with crawfish (not crayfish!!) and Amelia with Gumbo.

We had one more stop in Louisiana and that was for lunch in Breux Bridge, the Crawfish Capital of the World. I had the crawfish platter with crawfish prepared in about 10 different ways. I was all amazing.

Our next stop was in Houston. Unfortunately, I’m not sure this is a city I would return to, but we did have a great visit with some old family friends. The first time since we left Winnipeg in July.

Our next stop was in Frisco to stay with more family friends. This time we took a break and we stayed a whole week. With beautiful weather and great friends it was a welcome break.

Next up was Gurdon, Arkansas for another day with friends of the same family. That whole family is great which is why we planned visit more of them after stopping in Jacksonville, Arkansas to visit a few mobile home parks. Originally, we had planned to stay in Jacksonville for a couple more months, nursing our new mobile home additions to health, but they have not yet come through so we stopped, shook hands and sailed on through to Conway, Arkansas to meet the rest of the family.

Our last “friendly” stop was in Garnett, Kansas to meet friends from the mobile home park world.

After one more night in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, we hightailed it back to Winnipeg. But not before getting hit by a nasty, slushy, slick snow storm. Luckily, we did not end up in the ditch like some many others we say and we got past Grand Forks (Super Target) and Canada Customs without incident and back into Winnipeg on Oct 30th, at 7pm.

Since we have been home, I have been get everything back in order. Going through mail. Updated Quicken. Filing. Banking. This next week I spent working on a plan for one of the parks we looked at in Arkansas and fired my mortgage broker. Now we are on our own and looking for someone to help us get another park or two.

Again, sorry I haven’t written for a while. Just needed to focus on the present as the present blew past.

I’m back.

Typically, when people think of getting “out-of-the-box” they think in terms of opening your mind to new ideas. What the Arbinger Institute and Brian Klemmer have done is put this phrase into the context of the behaviors that we exhibit when we are relating to other people. Not just face-to-face, but also when you are simply thinking of other people. In fact, these “in your head” relationships are more important than anything outside your head.

Brian Klemmer and the Arbinger Institute  talk about two types of behaviors:

Out-of-the-Box: Seeing yourself and others more or less as we are – as people.

In-the-Box: Seeing yourself and others in a systematically distorted way – others are mere objects.

Whether we are in-the-box or out-of-the-box all starts with self-betrayal. Self-betrayal follows this sequence:

1. An act contrary to what we feel we should do for another person is called an act of self-betrayal.
2. When we betray ourselves, we begin to see the world in a way that justifies our self-betrayal.
   • We see ourselves as more deserving.
   • We see others as less deserving.
3. When we see a self-justifying world, our view of reality becomes distorted.
4. So…when we betray ourselves, you enter the box – you become self-deceived.
   • We inflate others’ faults.
   • We inflate our own virtues.
   • We inflate the value of things that justify our self-betrayal.
   • We blame.
5. Overtime, certain boxes become characteristics of us, and we carry them with us.
6. By being in-the-box, we provoke others to be in the box as well.
7. In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in-the-box.

What doesn’t work in-the-box and why?

Attempting to change others – WE are the problem!
Doing our best to “cope” with others – The blame continues.
Leaving – The box stays with us.
Communicating – We communicate our “in-the-box” feelings.
Implementing new skills/techniques – Leads to more sophisticated blame.
Changing our behavior – We continue to see other people as objects.

The box is a metaphor for how we resist others. We may be in-the-box towards some people and out-of-the-box towards others. When we have out-of-the-box moments with our out-of-the-box relationships, we allow ourselves to question our own virtues which allows us to be out-of-the-box in that moment. If we recognize and carry this self-questioning to our typically in-the-box relationships, it helps us get out-of-the box with them.

By deciding to do something for someone else, we are immediately out-of-the-box towards them in that moment.

Knowing the Material

1. Self-betrayal leads to self-deception and “the box”.
2. When we are in-the-box, we cannot focus on results.
3. Our influence and success will depend on being out-of-the-box.
4. We get out-of-the-box as you cease resisting others.

Living the Material

1. Don’t look for perfection. Do continue to become better.
2. Don’t use the words “the box”. Do use the techniques.
3. Don’t look for others’ boxes. Do look for your own.
4. Don’t accuse others of being in the box. Do strive to stay out of your own.
5. Don’t give up on yourself when you discover you’ve been in the box. Do push forward.
6. Don’t deny you’ve been in the box. Do apologize and push forward.
7. Don’t focus on what others are doing wrong. Do focus on what you can do right.
8. Don’t worry whether others are helping you. Do worry whether you are helping others.

The most important concept of the box is this:

We won’t know who we work and live with until we leave the box and join them.

This book is very well written. It takes the form of a story about a new manager in a company with a fantastic reputation. You follow along as he meets with the upper management of the company and learns why and how the company has achieved such success. It shows how the management learned from their mistakes, and continue to make mistakes. With the story aspect of the book, it becomes very easy to comprehend the information presented and why it works.

I highly recommend Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box. It really opens your eyes to how you interact with people and allows you to stand beside yourself and see why some relations work and some don’t and how to make them all better.

I DON’T GET IT!