There was a  high powered executive who finally decided to take a well deserved vacation after many years of focused, diligent work. He set off to the tropics to enjoy the sun, the sea and the sand.  One morning, while walking down the beach, he happened upon a fisherman who was pulling in his boat. He started talking to the man and asked what he was doing.

“I’m putting away my boat and gear for the day,” said the fisherman.

“Weren’t the fish biting this morning?” asked the executive.

“Oh no. The fish were very active today and I caught 3 within the first hour I was out?” replied the fisherman.

Amazed, the executive asked, “Then why are you not still fishing?”

“I only fish for what I need for my family and I for the day. That way I can spend some time doing what I love, like fishing, everyday and then relax and enjoy time with my family for the rest of the day.” explained the fisherman.

“That’s crazy,” spouted the executive. “You should stay out and catch as many fish as you can so that you can?”

“What would I do with all the extra fish?” asked the fisherman.

“Well, you could sell it at market.”

“Why should I bother doing that?”

“Well, if you sell the extra fish, you can accumulate enough money to start paying other fisherman to work for you. With more men in the boat you could then catch more fish to sell at market.” explained the executive.

“That sounds like a bunch of unnecessary work,” confessed the fisherman, “I really don’t need the headache of dealing with a bunch of workers.”

“That’s because you don’t see the big picture!” said the executive. “Once you are making more money and have employed more people, you can then use some of the extra money to buy a bigger boat. A bigger boat will allow you to employ an even bigger crew. A bigger crew with catch more fish to be sold a market. More fish sold at market means more income. Of course, your expenses will increase because the bigger boat will be more costly to run, but the extra income will more than cover those cost. In fact, with the extra revenue from the bigger boat, you will soon be able to buy another boat and crew to increase your catch even more.”

“It sounds like I wouldn’t be doing much fishing myself,” said the fisherman. “I’d be managing all of the boats and crews.”

“That’s right, you will have the benefit of being the Boss and get all the perks that come with that,” exclaimed the executive excitedly. “But that’s not all. Once you have built up your fishing fleet, you would likely be approached by a big multi-national corporation who will pay you a handsome sum for the entire fleet.”

“Wow,” said the fisherman. “Sounds like it would be lots of hard work making all of this happen.”

“Absolutely,” replied the executive. “This would all take many years of hard work to get the operation built up and many long hours at the office managing the crews and dealing with the fish marketers to get into the bigger markets. And when the Big Boys come to buy the operation from you, don’t be surprised if they make you jump through many hoops to arrange things just they way they want them.”

“Okay,” replied the fisherman. “Let’s assume I do as you say. I go out fishing all day long, catch much more fish than my family needs. I take the extra fish to the market and sell it to make enough money to hire a crew for my boat. The bigger crew will catch more fish and generate more money at the market so that I can then buy a bigger boat with a bigger crew and bigger revenues.”

“That’s right!” said the executive, realizing he was finally getting through to the fisherman.

“Then once I have bigger revenues, I can buy more boats and more crews. I would then work very hard keeping the operation running smoothly, generating more and more revenue so that I would become big enough for a big multi-national corporation to take notice and come and buy me out.” The fisherman could see the whole picture now.

“You got it!” said the executive, now very proud of his accomplishment.

“What would I do then?” asked the fisherman.

“Well, that’s the best part!” boasted the executive. “Now that you have all that money from the buyout, you could buy yourself a nice place in the tropics. You could also buy yourself a little boat and you could go out fishing every morning, relaxed and happy, enjoying the fruits of your years of hard work.”

Every time I read this story, this is where it ends. Everyone understands that the executive doesn’t see that the fisherman already has what the executive says he will get by going through this long, complication process.

My point isn’t that we shouldn’t work hard. Dan Price worked very hard all those years. Building new shelters, learning how to work the land to suit his visions, producing his magazines, etc. He did this to get closer to nature and to feel free in a way that worked for him.

I also don’t want you to think I have something against people who strive to build something bigger. I know plenty of people who take immense pleasure working to build something in the way that the executive describes. Using their creative mind to generate new products, employ people, etc. That is what makes them happy.

My point is that you need to know what you are doing it all for. Is what you are doing making you happy? Are you enjoying the process as you go? Do you feel whole, or just a cog in the wheel?

Let’s look for a moment at the alternative ending or deleted scenes of our story

“Do you have a family, sir?” asked the fisherman.

“Well, I was married once, but my wife left me years ago. She said I was never home and had no time for her and the kids. They just didn’t seem to realize all that I was doing for them,” explained the executive.

“Add where are your children now?”

“Well, they are all older now. Graduated from university and moved away. I really don’t get to see them very often. We seem to have drifted apart,” said the executive, a little sadder now.

“Do you take time to be with yourself and go on vacations?”

“This is the first vacation I have had in many years. I don’t even remember where I went the last time. I usually don’t do much by myself. I am usually too tired from working to go out or visit with friends.”

“It sounds like you have made many sacrifices to achieve success in business,” surmised the fisherman.

“Yes, I have kept my eye on the ball so that one day I will be free to do as I want.”

“What will your life look like when you get there?” asked the fisherman.

“Well, I haven’t really thought about that. I guess I’ll just figure it out when I get to that point.”

“How will you know when you get to that point?”

“I see,” said the fisherman. “Are you happy?”

“I’m focused,” replied the executive.

“Will you be happy when you get to that point?”

“I’m sure it will all be worth it.”

Like they say, no one on their death bed wishes they spent more time at the office. Yet, many people go through life with blinders on and do not see that they are simply not happy with their lives. They do not see what they have right in front of them. They do not take advantage of every day of their lives. They just exist, hoping to one day find themselves in their happy place. Wherever that is.

Are you happy with your life?

In piecing together these ethereal concepts I have been called to read a few other books recommended by the writer on his website, Ishmael.org. The first book I found is Radical Simplicity by Dan Price. It is the story of how the author lives his life in as simple a way as he can while still interacting with the modern world. He is not a full hermit, completely sheltered away from the outside world in a Grizzly Adams  style cabin. In fact, he produces a monthly magazine that he puts out to thousands of people, has a copier, propane heaters and even a telephone and electrical service. The simplicity shows up more in what he doesn’t have.

• He doesn’t have tons of space in which to collect a bunch of unused and under-appreciated stuff.
• He doesn’t have tons of clothes competing for show time.
• He doesn’t have a typical, oversized house which consumes a ton of energy and resources.
• He doesn’t have a mortgage.
• He doesn’t have a commute.
• He doesn’t have a full dining room with twelve intricately detailed place settings.

I could go on, of course, but you see the picture. He has simplified his life so that the outside pressures of the world do not have an impact on him, unless he chooses to allow them in. For instance, he spent many years traveling the world with a contract for a writing gig. While he did that though, he took his tent wherever he went. He avoided hotels at all costs. He maintained his simplicity wherever he went.

Why did Dan Price do this? He did this so that he could experience freedom. Freedom is a very powerful thing, yet so many people think that it only comes after working hard and long for many years to get to a financial position where your money opens the doors of freedom. Dan Price has shown that that is not necessary. He shows how he gained freedom by simplifying his life, by taking away all the pressures that society has artificially placed on our lives.

While I don’t believe that everyone would agree with Dan Price’s version of freedom or the path he took, I do believe that everyone can gain something by going through a process of simplification. A few years ago, we simplified our lives greatly by selling off about 80% of our belongings. It was very liberating for me during that time. I felt a huge relief. I had never been one who likes trinkets and “stuff” so it felt good to eliminate much of the “stuff” we had accumulated over the years. It was tough for Amelia at first, but she is a veteran nowadays.

Dan Price’s book has gotten me thinking of new ways to simplify again. For nearly three years, we have had a bunch of our remaining “stuff” packed away in boxes. Outta sight. Outta mind. Outta there?

Granted, somethings we are keeping because they will be useful later and too costly to replace. Like Tupperware for food storage when we live in our own place again. Especially in Costa Rica where we will have to keep the bugs at bay. But there are other things that we could get rid of here and replace when we get to our destination. Under this category would be things like cups, plates and cutlery. This type of thing is very cheap in almost every location in the world. There is another category that is hardest to figure out. We have a bunch of artwork that we have collected over the years. I have heard horror stories about art taken to the tropics and it gets destroyed by the humidity. I couldn’t forgive myself for letting that happen. And if I took them to Costa Rica, would they really look good in that setting.

So, while I love to be surrounded by artwork, it may be more realistic to replace what we currently have with something more suited to the locale. Besides, the kids are constantly creating artwork for us with their extremely creative minds.

We do have a prize piece that we got specifically because we had the perfect spot for it in our house in Ottawa. I can’t be certain that we would be able to find a place for it in Costa Rica. That piece is a pewter and lucite sculpture my world renowned marine artisit Wyland called Dolphin Tribe. If you or someone you know is interested in purchasing this piece, let me know.

The book is Making Sense of Men – A Woman’s Guide to a Lifetime of Love, Care and Attention from All Men, by Alison Armstrong. I’m sure you can tell by the title that this book was not intended for me, and I guess I should feel a bit guilty about reading it. However, I think it is important to learn what others think of me, so that I can understand their point of view. In this case, what one intelligent woman thinks of men.

I have read and listened to many of this Alison’s products and I am amazed every time. She is very good at explaining the “complex simplicity” of men. By that I mean, men are in fact simple, straightforward beings and woman assume we are very complex and hard to understand, because they see us as hairy, misbehaved women.

What this book does is explain how men respond to women and how a woman’s behavior basically determines that behavior. Since the woman is therefore in control of the situation, a man will respond differently to different woman.

The purpose for understanding this is to enlighten women to understand that there are two ways to get attention from men. Attraction and Affection. The vast majority of people (men and women included) work on the things that attract the opposite sex. Ultimately, this attraction for a man is sexual in focus.

You can’t blame us. That’s what 40,000 years of evolution has given us and, really, it is kind of necessary.

Women, on the other hand, often feel that while sexual attraction is great, it is not the be all end all of their needs. Women start by thinking the sexual attraction is going to blossom into something else. The problem, is while it might to appear that way at the start, at some point, the “magic” disappears and the men change and all the sizzle is lost.

That’s because the sizzle has no substance.

What women fail to understand is that sexual attraction is not the be all end all for men either. If you are a man and you disagree with me, give it a few years and you will see what I mean.

What the book explains is that there are four main triggers for sexual attraction for a man. But I won’t get into those, because they only lead to sexual attraction and that is not what women (or men) ultimately need or want.

In her research, Alison has found there are four things that draw the attention of a men in the way that women truly crave – Affection. Those four things, listed in their order of priority, are: Self-Confidence, Authenticity, Passion and…I save the last one.

The great thing about all of these traits is that one leads to the next. When a woman is self-confident, she is more apt to be authentic about herself. When a woman is more authentic, she shares her passions.

While many people think of men as simple in the sense that they lack many redeeming qualities, men are actually very perceptive. Men have the amazing ability to sense the abundance, or lack, of self-confidence and authenticity that a woman radiates. It is these traits that really make a man want to be with a woman for the rest of his life. Not the four things that I failed to mention (Read the book!).

When a man senses these traits and he learns of her passions, he will do everything in his power to be with, take care of, protect, contribute to, make happy and fall in love with that woman. This is where the change for the worse typically occurs.

Woman have been trained, especially in this modern age, to take care of themselves and prove that they do not need men to support them. And that is true, women don’t need us. But that is not the point. The point is that men want to…be with, take care of, protect, contribute to, make happy and fall in love with women. This is our our entire purpose when we find “The One.”

Let me repeat, “If you are a man and you disagree with me, give it a few years and you will see what I mean.”

So why the change? Why do we become…well…Jerks?!? The change comes from the last of the four affection getters…Receptivity.

The stereotypical “simpleness” of men comes out at this point. While we are being with, taking care of, protecting, contributing to, making happy and falling in love with women, we want to know that you want and appreciate it.

Women, it’s sooo simple. “That’s wonderful.” “Thank you so much to being there.” “It means so much to me.” Phrases on those lines do wonders. Stroke our little egos and we will continue to…be with, take care of, protect, contribute to, make happy and fall in love with you with more and energy and commitment…’til death do us part.

Problem is, many women are not sufficiently self-confident to accept the caring, protective, contributions that men work so hard to approve. They do not feel deserving of such treatment. They question the intention of the deeds. They build a wall that the man is must knock down before he can succeed. A man will try and try and try, but if they feel like nothing they do matters or is appreciated, at some point they will say, “You need someone who can take care of you.” He is hardwired to give up because “he is not capable of doing what he needs to do.”

The irony is that the list of things that the man is doing… being with, taking care of, protecting, contributing to, making happy and falling in love with…are all the things that woman want. We both want the same things, but from opposite sides. It is a duplicity. You can’t have giving without receiving. If you cannot have one without the other, then one cannot be better or worse than the other.

Therefore, a self-confident, authentic women who embraces her passions and is receptive to a man’s efforts will have a relationship that growths and strengthens “until death do us part.”

Get the book. You will be glad you did.

So every night, we begin with our prayers. At the end of the prayers, we each say something we are thankful for and something we pray for. Natalie still gets these mixed up a bit, and the boys have a good laugh about it. Actually, this part came from a Marshall Sylver course we took. We had to give something to someone else for them to remember us by and each time we would look at it or touch it we would say what we were thankful for.

My gift was from Ryan. He gave me a flat, pink, polished stone that he had polished himself. Ryan, at the time, was a successful real estate investor at the age of 18. He was a great inspiration. Anyway, I walked around with that stone in my pocket for probably a year. Each time I touch put my hand in my pocket, I would touch the stone and it would remind me to be thankful for something. Anything. As I write this, I am remembering that I haven’t carried that stone with me for a long time. I will do that starting tomorrow (Maybe you could send me a reminder, okay?). Luckily, the “thankful for/pray for” that we do every night keeps me honest.

Some point along the way, Matthew added: “And now we shall live for Christ” to the end of this. He is very perceptive.

Next, as a transition between the prayers and the declarations, we all state something thing that Amelia added and that was:

Every day, in every way, it’s getting better and better!

Then we go straight into the declarations. We started out using the signature Peak Potentials laminated cards (I had created one card for each of the kids, each with their name on it). The declarations come from many sources, and mostly from the T. Harv Eker courses we have taken. After a few weeks, we didn’t need the cards anymore. This is how it goes:

Everyone loves me!
Because I love everyone!

I am beautiful!
I am perfect just as I am!

I always smile!
Smiling just feels right!

I am a master of my mind!
I see “awesome” in everything!

I am happy!
I choose to make it so!

I am here for a reason!
I add value to other people’s lives!

I am a child of God!
I make this world a better place!

I improve continuously!
I practice everything!

I am a warrior!
I succeed in spite of anything!

I am a champion!
I achieve anything I desire!

I am Kyle Edginton!

We end off the last part by saying our name (please replace my name with your own or that of your child) and giving each other a solid, energetic Hi-5. Okay, so not always energetic, but a Hi-5 nonetheless. It is bedtime after all. The point is that saying our own name and striking a Hi-5 afterwards, helps to imprint what you have just said in your mind and make it believable for you.

Has it made a difference? I think so. The kids fit over who gets to say their “thankful for/pray for” first. They have creative ways of giving Hi-5s…and 10s…and feet…and whatever else they can think of.  My kids are happy (generally). They care about other people (mostly). They are confident (nearly always). And they are beautiful (ABSOLUTELY!!!).

Has it made a difference?

I am Kyle Edginton!
I say it does!

The Daffodil Principle

Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, “Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over.”

I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead. “I will come next Tuesday”, I promised a little reluctantly on her third call.

Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn’s house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren.

“Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!”

My daughter smiled calmly and said, “We drive in this all the time, Mother.”

“Well, you won’t get me back on the road until it clears, and then I’m heading for home!” I assured her.

“But first we’re going to see the daffodils. It’s just a few blocks,” Carolyn said.  “I’ll drive. I’m used to this.”

“Carolyn,” I said sternly, “Please turn around.”

“It’s all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience.”

After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, “Daffodil Garden”. We got out of the car, each took a child’s hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight.

It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and  butter yellow. Each different coloured variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.

“Who did this?” I asked Carolyn. “Just one woman,” Carolyn answered. “She lives on the property. That’s her home.”  Carolyn pointed to a well-kept small A-frame house, modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house.

On the patio, we saw a poster.  “Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking”, was the headline.  The first answer was a simple one.  “50,000 bulbs,” it read.  The second answer was, “One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain.” The third answer was, “Began in 1958.”

For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, almost fifty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration.

That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time, often just one baby step at a time and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things.

We can change the world.

“It makes me sad in a way,” I admitted to Carolyn. “What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it ‘one bulb at a time’ through all those years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!”

My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way.  “Start tomorrow,” she said.

She was right. It’s so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays.  The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is only to ask, “How can I put this to use today?”

Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting…

• until your car or home is paid off
• until you get a new car or home
• until your kids leave the house
• until you go back to school
• until you finish school
• until you clean the house
• until you organize the garage
• until you clean off your desk
• until you lose 10 lbs.
• until you gain 10 lbs.
• until you get married
• until you get a divorce
• until you have kids
• until the kids go to school
• until you retire
• until summer
• until spring
• until winter
• until fall
• until you die…

There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

So work like you don’t need money.

Love like you’ve never been hurt, and,

Dance like no one’s watching.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end. Be afraid that it will never begin.

If you would like to learn more, visit the Daffodil Garden website.