I seem to be getting through a lot of books lately. I pick them up in the new book section at my library and think…hmm…why not? My latest book is Behind the Bedroom Door: Getting It, Giving It, Loving It, Missing It edited by Paula Derrow. It is a collection of essays on sex written by women. Yes, yet again I have picked up a book that was probably not meant for me, but I’m always curious to see things from the other side.

The book covers a vast array of women and their stories around their sexual difficulties, desires, quirks, failures and triumphs. Regardless of the fact that they may enjoy sex, almost every one talks about the difficulties they have had.

When I started reading the book, I thought it would be a good distraction from the other topics I have been focusing on. However, I was surprised at how much thinking it made me do. After having read the book, I must say I was both impressed and disappointed. Impressed because many of the women, while suffering through some seriously difficult situations, persevered until they found a relationship or came to an understanding that truly worked for them. Impressed also, that these women were willing to share their stories so that other women for who may be going through the same issues, might get some inspiration.  In fact, several times, I envisioned men being in the same situations. These were not necessarily all about women’s issues.

That said, I was also very disappointed by the book. Not by the writing – that was great throughout as most of these women are accomplished writers. No, what I was disappointed by was the fact that Ms Derrow could not find, or at least did not include, a single women who found herself in a relationship that wasn’t doomed from the beginning. I have to question whether she really wanted to get view of the total spectrum of women and sex. I am sure their are many women in the world, even in the US, that have always had fully satisfying sexual relationships. Why not include them?

Besides the situations where the women had obvious psychological trauma at a young age (read sexual abuse), while reading the book I could not help but think that many of the problems were caused by one or both person’s selfish attitudes. The stories are filled with infidelity by women and men alike. Also, why does sex so frequently  have to be associated with drugs and alcohol? You cannot expect your relationship to last if drugs or alcohol are required or used to make things work. I sometimes think that Hollywood sensationalizes these issues, but reading this book I was reminded that the movies come from someone’s mind, someone with the experience to dream up the story. This stuff really happens, and many people suffer through life in bad relationships because they do not have enough self esteem, they have been abused or they are just too selfish to get over themselves.

When I look at my relationship with my wife, I see something that continues to grow each day. Not something that I expect with wane over time and become something that I will have to put up with. I see it as a future together with so many adventures yet to be had. I’m no saint and I have my selfish moments like everyone else, but I don’t forget why I got into this relationship in the first place. I love my wife. It’s that simple. We have a great life together. We have three great children. We dream together. We plan together. We share responsibilities. We contribute equally and we receive equally. It is not about servitude, and I am happy to serve my wife. It is not about compromise, and I have no problem if sometimes I have to yield a little. It is not all about the kids, and I love working around their schedules.

People really need to start taking responsibility for their actions. There is simply no excuse for the crap that happens every day in this country and countries around the world. If you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to understand the consequences of your actions. Stop blaming it on the alcohol. Stop blaming it on your parents. Stop blaming it on religion. Stop blaming…and take responsibility! So many problems would be solved or prevented if people just stood up and took responsibility, thought about the consequences of their actions and stopped expecting someone else to fix their problems. More time and effort is spent fixing problems caused by irresponsible people than on the issues that really matter.

Like I said, I’m no saint and I am extremely happy that I had a happy childhood. But come on people! We can do better than this!