Wheelus Giganticus
Posted by kyle in humor
Ever since we arrived in Warner Robins, I have been noticing an apparent affliction amongst some of the younger people. It is a disease that shows itself at all stages of development. I call this infliction Wheelus Giganticus.
Personally, I believe this disease is a side effect of being too close to infected rubber, the result of cross contamination in the rubber industry. When quality tires become infected, they lose their strength and they start to loosen and stretch out like cheap rubber bands. To account for this stretching, the rims step up and become much larger to offset the loss of rubber. As you can see from this picture (Yes, it is a 3 Musketeers car!), it would appear that the tires on this car is on its last leg.
The most stressing part of this infliction is that it does not always happen on all four tires at once. A couple of days ago, I notice one car that had one of these large-rimmed, rubber-band-wrapped wheels on the front and a regular, healthy tire on the back. When I saw the other side of the car, I realized that there was only one Wheelus Giganticus on the entire car. While this means that all the other tires were healthy, it was an unsightly vision of what was to come.
Have we as a society allowed the our rubber to slowly degrade to the point where cars must limp around with this condition, knowing what is to come, one infected tire at a time?
The only blessing I have seen is that this disease has not affected smaller vehicles, like Honda Civics. The disease seem content to focus on larger vehicles like the Lincolns, Grand Marquis’, Taurus’, Impalas and the like.
The pinnacle of the disease is the point at which the rubber stretches out so far, that the vehicle is required rise up to provide more clearance. I have seen cases so bad that a car that once had a clearance of only 6 inches with healthy rubber, now had a clearance of more than 15 inches at the peak.
Probably the worst part of the disease is how it hides itself. As the tires stretch and the rims begin to grow, they also become much shinier. By the time the vehicle clearance is enough to play a game of soccer below it, the rims are so shiny that you can barely look at them.
So if you see one of these cars driving around, give them some money to buy some new rubber. Especially if the disease is only starting and they only have one Wheelus Giganticus affected.
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(This post is intend only to humor. It is not intended to insult the creative young people who create these masterpieces. While I personally find some of the vehicles amusing, I cannot take away from the hard work, effort and money that they put into these vehicles to make them their own. It is definitely a unique look, and in some cases, even I look and say to myself, “Cool!”)
